Sunday, 28 October 2012

Thats what you get when you let your heart win

How many times do we allow ourselves to be let down before we decide that enough is enough? is there one final blow out that makes us realise that no ones worth the pain they can cause? i thought i had experienced this blow out, the final straw that breaks me but really... we recover, i know we dont ever wanna think it possible but we do, we recover and our lives get back to normal, its hard to think when something goes wrong that the world still keeps spinning and everything carries on but thats just the way it is, i think we think this because we like to think that when we die the world will stop for everyone but truth is.. i went to the funeral of a friend lately and it felt like the whole world had stopped, like everyone was holding their breath but they werent , i walked out of the funeral and home and on the way a stranger asked me for a cigarette, i felt hurt and annoyed thinking 'hey do you not know whats just happened, why dont you know that someone has died' but truth is the world carries on and we learn to manage one way or another, ive done the exact same thing twice, when my first engagement broke off i though the world had ended, then realised its still going on but without me then looked for everything i was missing in all the wrong places... the same happened when my second one broke down... facts are both times i thought id never carry on, like i couldnt live and if i did live id never be the same and im not the same, i know more, experienced more and i know now that life goes on even if you dont want it too it finds a way of making you carry on and it does get better regardless of how bad it feels right now it always gets better cuz unfortunately even when we die.... life for other people will go on, theyll remember us and miss us but it wont stop them moving on. I think thats why we feel like we cant move on sometimes cuz we dont like to think that others can, i mean, sadly when my first engagement broke off i was stupid enough to keep going back for more hurt like i though it would change, like i had sex as some kinda hold on him but really he just had me as someone he could have when things went arse up with his girlfriend, were never as in control as we think. every day you spend unhappy is a day your missing being happy.... thats important, i think now back at the last ten years of my life and think i did have some good times yeah, we had fun and i was happy at some points, probably happier than i thought cuz i got used to it a bit and took it for granted yet i think that every day i spent unhappy with someone in the past could have been a day i spent happy with someone who actually makes me happy... why waste your life being unhappy when you could be happy? you dont get many days alive and im dissapointed every day that i spend unhappy cuz id live my life to have more of a 70-30 happy-sad ratio, there are people out there who can make you happy, friends, family, partners, one night stands, girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands and wives... these people can make you happy, they can also make you sad. its for you to decide who you want in your life and who you dont, personally, i choose the people who make me happy, albeit they a little crazy and erratic, hard work and unbalanced, boring and grown up, spontaneous and drive like a twat but regardless of their plusses and flaws these people make me happy and if they didnt id cut ties and move on... thats what life is about... changing what you can and accepting what you cant.

make your life beautiful and each day remember-able, enjoy the moment and remember the good times... what more could you do to feel successful?

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